Parent Post:

For anyone who has questions about what goes on at the Middle School dances or questions the integrity of the principal and her staff regarding their issues with policing these activities, I have but one thing to say to you: Go see for yourself what goes on at a dance. Go help out.

As a parent who, in the past, has organized and done more than one dance at DCMS, I will be the first to tell you that criticism of the volunteers or MS staff who volunteer to show up that night (unpaid) is uncalled for. Everyone does the best they can.  Since only a handful of parents show up to help (the same 10 who always show up for everything, btw) it's more than "difficult" to watch every student every moment.  My group even ended up calling our own DCHS-age kids to one dance to come help us police the kids, since the parents who said they would show up were "too busy" to come spend 4 hours helping.

Same thing - if you haven't been to a high school football or basketball game and just drop off your kids there (which an amazing number of parents do) then you don't know what they are doing. Even the "perfect kids" get rowdy.

I, for one, would challenge everyone who reads this post to never EVER say a word about how your child acts at a dance, at school or at a school event unless you have been there and seen them in person. I can promise you that your kid is still a kid, and does things they would never want you to know about when you are not around (at least once).  You are naive if you believe differently. Even if it's as little as dancing rudely for a moment on the DCMS dance floor. Trust me, I know.  How?  I am there all the time, and I've seem 'em.

If you want the behavior to stop, show up at the dance and be a sponsor. Every time.  I guarantee it works.

Parent Post:

I'm not saying I want the school to instill morals and standards in our kids. But it is necessary to set guidelines for appropriate behavior.  That would mean at the dances as well.

When I say we need to have some morals and standards for our kids, I'm not necessarily saying my morals and standards.  What I am saying is we as parents need to set morals and standards for our kids.  Quite honestly, I would hope many of the parents that have children that go to Deer Creek would have a lot of the same morals, standards, and values that I have.  No, not everyone will and I understand that and that's their choice.  But, it doesn't mean I have to like or agree with it.

The whole fact of the matter of this discussion is I don't think a lot of parents know or understand what is going on at the Middle School dances.  I think they should and need to know.  If they didn't know, maybe they do now.

Parent Post:

In response to the typical behavior of Middle School kids at the dances.

Why should we as parents just accept this as "typical behavior"?  It doesn't have to be that way if parents would take a stand about acceptable behavior and appropriate dancing for the Middle School dances.  Not just bury our heads in the sand and say oh well it's just "typical behavior".

I have talked to many parent chaperones in regards to the dances, and they state they don't even know what is or isn't allowed.  The chaperones and the kids need to be told at the beginning of the dances (that is every dance) what is and isn't acceptable.

Parent chaperones need to be out on the dance floor doing what it is they volunteered to do, chaperone.  Not just sit or stand around socializing.  I'm not saying getting to know other parents isn't important, because it is.  What I am saying is we as chaperones need to be proactive in stopping the so called "typical behavior" of our kids.

You say if you have a question about what is or isn't appropriate behavior to ask the Principles of school policy.  Does the school even have a policy in regards to appropriate dancing?

If they do it's not enforced.

A handful of parents can't be out there trying to keep the dancing clean and keep kids from getting hurt when the kids start their bumping and grinding.  The pushing and shoving gets to be out of hand. Someone is going to get hurt.

I've also heard there are boys that try to cop a feel at the girls when all this bumping and grinding is taking place knowing they won't get caught.

If the Principles and the staff say it isn't their responsibility to establish guidelines for appropriate dancing then I say WE THE PARENTS SHOULD.  Let us form some kind of committee to decide what is and isn't acceptable.

Yes, it up to parents to instill appropriate behavior in their kids. So let's set standards and morals for what is appropriate.

Are we willing to just sit on the sidelines and say oh well it's "typical behavior".

If we continue to do so we will end up with pregnant daughters and sons becoming daddys long before they should.  I for one don't want to end up being a parent that says oh well "it's typical behavior"!!!

Our Reply:

We agree with what you are saying about typical behavior.  But we can only try to install the right morals and standards for our children.  With that said it scares us to think that others would want to install their morals into our children.  The best that anybody can do is to raise their children the best way that they see fit.  Don’t leave it up to any school to do that for you.

I have personally chaperoned about 8 dances over the last 4 years.  I have been told what is acceptable and what isn’t acceptable at every dance so I am not sure how other parents don’t know but certainly don’t rule out that it can happen.  Since I haven’t been to a dance this year something must have drastically change since the dances I chaperoned the previous years.

In the past there has been some inappropriate behavior but overall the dances were fine.  The inappropriate behavior was always dealt with when it happened.  Principal Jones has always dealt with the inappropriate behavior when I was around.  I could list out all of the discipline that I have personally seen Principal Jones administer but the list would be too long to read.

While I think Principal Jones could do more in the way of discipline during school time I never had any complaints with her handling discipline at school dances.

Parent Post 1: Good points and very true.  My suggestion of more group type events should have touched upon the issues in the response by the DCMS staff member.  It does begin at home. 

The staff at a school site are not solely responsible for the behavior of students; it is a DIRECT reflection of what's going on at home.  While many parents certainly are pushing their children into "going together", expensive gift giving and other adult behaviors prematurely, I would like to see dances (good point about them being SPONSORED events, too!) set a tone of school unity and fun. 

It should be clear that bumping, grinding, etc. are not supported by the school or sponsoring group as an appropriate choice.  Let's support our kids in making age appropriate choices!  Those parents that are enabling and encouraging their kids to ridiculous levels of intimacy at this point in their lives will be paying the price.

Parent Post 2: Are you kidding?! I have attended every dance my kids have attended.  How dare the "staff member" accuse parents of not knowing what our kids are doing/or are involved in.  There have been and always will be those types of kids and parents.  There are a lot more of us in Deer Creek especially (read the statistics in our state alone) - that are involved!  Why do you think we are able to succeed like we do?  It is a partnership! 

The reason we are able to support so many activities/fundraisers is thanks to the involvement of the parents in our district.  With "no tax base" as they keep cramming down our throats - we wouldn't have smart boards in almost every classroom - fully stocked libraries, science room etc.....don't even get me started! 

I do NOT agree with a dance for middle schoolers.  But, we offer nothing else besides a sporting event - which does not appeal to all and/or does not include all the kids at once because some are playing and not able to socialize.  There is nothing more for the kids this age to do.  Because my children have proven to be good kids - so far -we have allowed them to attend dances (despite our disagreement with even having them).  However, a parent must attend - which one of us does.   So don't ASSUME you know that the parents complaining aren't well aware of what is going on.

I PROMISE you that I watched NUMEROUS children at the last dance unplug the lamps, run, tackle, hit each other with carnations, try to sneak in to the school building, outside and in groups in the bathrooms.....etc. I watched NUMEROUS times when parents tried to break up "dirty dancing" only to hear the same mom frustrated later that Mrs. Jones and Mrs. Kates were not supporting her when she would tell them about it.  We went back to the "rules" we were given in the concession stand - and as Mrs. Jones writes in her letter "dirty dancing or dancing like MTV is difficult to decide on and is up to the adult" or something close to that. 

In that case:  knowing it is difficult; how about some rules?  Or if the dances are not school sponsored - why do we have to follow their rules at all?  And if that is the case - why are staff members required to be there?  When I rent out a gym for my basketball team - no staff member is required to be there.  Why the judgment call?  And, if we are under "school rules"  why are the kids dressed like they are allowed to?  Every school event is supposed to enforce the same rules.  Or is it that we don't really enforce the rules?  REMEMBER:  WE ARE ALL ABOUT FEELING GOOD....IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO IT HURTS AS LONG AS YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF.  Or so Toni Jones preaches. Don't get me wrong:  she is a great leader.  She is simply a far better Elementary Principal than a Middle School Principal.  Her own kids don't even attend the dances because they are too wild - ask!  And for the staff member that wants to throw her two cents in:  if you are so concerned - how about chaperoning at all the dances to help out? 

I have worked the gate BY MYSELF many times having to pick and choose if the kids really attend our school; really have a parent in the parking lot and are coming back and not out drinking and returning; really have a locker in the hallway - and not vandalizing the school...... 3 - yes 3 staff members for an all school function.  You cannot do that during school hours.  It is unsafe at football games - despite all the adults in attendance - but it is OK in the dark, in and out of the building. 

Look back at the Fall Dance where our DCMS staff allowed the kids to run all over the school while they staff was outside putting on a maze and no staff was inside monitoring the dance!  Who should truly be responsible?  I see parents - I volunteer - but no one ever asks for volunteers unless your child belongs to the group organizing the dance - how about a # of adults present as volunteers or no dance?  Ooops  - what was I thinking?  Someone might get their feelings hurt if they had to cancel or their parent couldn't come....never mind!

As far as discipline - the issue is NOT just at school sanctioned events - the lack of discipline is all day at DCMS.  You can send a kid to the office - to be talked to.  WOW! I see kids pushed, bullied, ridiculed, singled out, cussing galore!!!, had stuff stolen from lockers, tripped, shoved and punched (in our no tolerance school mind you) all right before my eyes.  So don't tell me it doesn't happen except at the dances - I have been around too long and had too much experience of the opposite.  AND I have watched it get gradually worse since we have had a change in leadership/disciplinarians at the middle school.  Maybe that is part of the reason we have had such high turnover rates in principals at DCHS?!  The kids were not taught respect and expect to be punished if not. 

Maybe the test scores of our graduates are dropping because we have no Special Education services and kids who should be in them interrupt the classes where others are trying to learn with uncontrollable behaviors, because kids are not expected to sit and be quiet and allow others to learn when they don't want to, because all we worry about is if they feel good.  I want my kids to feel good because they are proud of what they are doing -not because they had the opportunity to try out and make every team - cheerleaders included - I want them to learn how to work hard and earn something.  Kind of like a paycheck someday - novel idea eh?!

Parent Post 1: My son enjoyed going to dances in 6th grade. After attending the first dance of 7th grade, he hasn't been interested in going since.   

I believe that all the dances should be like the 6th grade hour of dances, with activities and fun on a level that involves everyone and unites the school, not condoning a "coupling" of boys and girls.  It seems that the school almost encourages this by not providing more group activities.

The world has definitely changed since I grew up - we didn't even have dances in middle school.  There is no turning the clock back but we should be supporting these kids holding onto their adolescence and not pushing them into adult situations.   

Just because some kids seem to act like they are older than they are doesn't mean they should be encouraged by their school to act that way.  These are still YOUNG men and women - and should be treated as such.

Parent Post 2: In response to the posting about the middle school dance, I have this to say.  As a staff member of DCMS I can agree that the kids do sometimes dance too close and too provocatively, but what I don't agree with is that it is the responsibility of the staff to see to it that your child is not one of them. 

We do our best, and remember it is not required of the staff to supervise this extra-curricular activity that you allowed your child to attend.  If you are concerned about this issue, and you certainly should be, then as a parent don’t attend occasionally, but attend regularly.  Also make it clear to your child what he/she is expected to do or not do at these dances or at school period. 

These behaviors do not begin at school.  See what your child is watching on television and at the movies.  I hear every day about a movie they have watched that I wouldn't consider appropriate for middle schoolers. Listen to the music they listen to.  Beginning to get the picture? 

Yes, we as staff can supervise and definitely do try to discourage and stop this behavior, but it is not only up to us.  Try coming to school around Valentines Day, see all the flowers and candy and gifts given.  I’m not speaking about inexpensive gifts, but some that go well over $100.  You can't tell me that the kids did this without their parent knowledge and consent. There is a lot of encouragement by parents for their kids to "go together" and be couples.  Maybe if we as a staff had better support in this area instead of criticism, we would see better behavior and attitudes from the kids.

Our Reply: This is a very sensitive topic that will draw debate.  My wife and I have differing views on the topic.  Some things to remember are that the dances are not school hosted activities.  They are primarily fundraisers for organizations that the kids benefit from and hosted by those organizations. 

While we agree that the school's codes of behavior should be followed during all events, it is not the responsibility of the school to enforce them at non school hosted events. It is the responsibility of the organization hosting the event.

Having attended and chaperoned more dances than I care to admit, I feel I can speak with some authority in regards to the dances.  95% of the behavior I have seen at these dances is typical of middle school kids. 100% of the time when I asked any child to stop acting inappropriately they stop.  Not to say I won’t have to remind them them later but they always modified their behavior when asked to stop.  Occasionally a student will push back to see how far they can go.  Then it is up to me and any other chaperone to draw the line. 

If you want to put a stop to inappropriate behavior, make sure the chaperones understand what is acceptable and what is not. If you have any doubts as to where to draw the line you can ask Principal Jones or Vice-Principal Kates what is the school policy.  They have always been there and responded when I have asked.  They have always responded to kids misbehaving.  If anybody thinks that the middle school doesn’t care about the behaviors of the kids at dances they are only seeing one side of the picture.

For the dances I do agree that the school probably could do more. I think it is unfair to suggest that they don’t do anything.  I also think that the kid’s behavior is more a reflection of themselves than of the school.

Is it realistic to think the 50 staff members will be able to instill the proper code of conduct into over 600 students?  Or is it more realistic to expect 2 parents to install the proper code of conduct into their own 2 children?

Behavior modification is the responsibility of the parents not the school district.  Discipline handed out by any school will not change a student’s behavior.  How the parents react will.

Please keep in mind we are only talking about behavior and disipline at the Middle School dances. We are not addressing disipline or lack there of in the Middle School as a whole.

Parent Post

I read about the discipline or lack of discipline in the Middle School and I have to agree to a certain extent.  Friday night there was a dance held at the Middle School. I wasn't there for the whole dance, however, I was there long enough to see that there needs to be some kind of guidelines put in place about the way these kids dance!! 

It is just wrong to watch these kids, I believe the term I heard some of the parents use was bumping and grinding. The kids also slow dance way too close.  

My gosh people these kids are in Middle School for crying out loud. We don't need to encourage this type of behavior by allowing it to happen.  These kids are entering or going through puberty at this age, and their hormones are raging.  So let's not encourage this kind of behavior.  

Let's set some standards and morals for our kids.  If more people would take a stand about these types of things that are going on in our schools, we might not have so much teen pregnancy.  And it certainly would be nice if the staff at the Middle School would see to it that this kind of behavior was not taking place at the Middle School dances!!!! 

If you have not attended or chaperoned a dance for even a little while I suggest you do and see for yourselves what goes on at these dances.  It's ridiculous. Believe me you will get an eyeful and quite possibly a rude awakening.

Parent Post

Don't worry about the games at the middle school.  Don't you know - we don't discipline - we pat everyone on the head and say no no!  We aren't teaching our kids real life lessons: we are teaching our kids how to live in a fish bowl.  I want my kids to know how to deal with real life circumstances - not be shocked in high school because they walked West and entered a whole new world there.  You cannot take kids who know NOTHING about competition, setting goals, dealing with consequences - real life - and expect them to be independent, successful and strive for all they can achieve if their first experience with real life is when it matters.  All grades, behavior and activities affect you in high school for your college acceptance -setting you up for success or failures in life.  Why aren't we utilizing the time in Middle School to teach our kids how to accept themselves for who they are, work to become what they want, and build self confidence?  Instead, Mrs. Jones thinks all kids should be treated like her elementary days - unrealistic -using the basis of feeling good about themselves as a crutch.  Shouldn't the kids feel good about themselves because they deserve it?  Wouldn't that mean more? 

Bullying is getting out of control at DCMS - kids are stuffed in lockers daily, pushed, hit, stolen from, etc. - don't ask the staff - ask the honest ones with no job to lose:  the kids!  It only took time for her lack of discipline to go all the way through and now we see it getting worse.  Blame the numbers all day long.  Ask the kids if they think the kids doing the really bad stuff get in to trouble and listen to them laugh.  Ask Officer Duke, ask the cafeteria ladies - ask any of the support staff - they are disrespected and then coddled because they must have had a bad day.  Well I want my kids to have a boss like that since that is what we are training them for as a life skill - anyone want an employee that needs to be coddled?

Please don't get me wrong:  I value the kids growing their self esteem - I just think realistic situations to do that would be much more valuable.  You ought to hear the kids’ stories when I listen to them talking at church, sporting events:  WOW!  Scary!!!!

Our Reply

The one thing that we would add is the emotionally bullying that happens as well.  It just annoys us every time we have to sit through a meeting where they tell us they have a ‘No Tolerance’ policy on bullying only to turn around and see what is happenning in the Middle School.  You've hit the nail on the head.

A few incidents that have happened at the school were brought to our attention and we would like to share them with you. The first starts with our favorite board member Jan Larsen. 

BRING US YOUR POOR (we have money)
For those of you who don’t know or don’t remember, at last years PTO meetings, Jan Larsen spread the word that the school was being underfunded as compared to other schools in the area. The message even made it in the DCES newsletter. 

Recently at a PTO meeting held at Rose Union, Jan Larsen became irate when a teacher and a parent brought up the subject of a lack of paper at the school. When Jan confronted the parent in the parking lot, she said that the district had plenty of money. All anybody had to do was ask for it. She said the school board could fix the problems if people would start coming to them (the board). 

Now why didn’t we think of that? Oh so now we understand. We should have addressed our issues directly with the school board. Ahh, right. Pleeeeeease Jan, do you really think we are that ignorant? Or have you forgotten that we've already tried that.

Jan we ask you:

• What happened in a year’s time that the school district now has adequate funds? 
• Why doesn’t the school board see to it the entire district has the proper amount of supplies to function? 
• You've asked ridiculous questions at board meetings. Why not start asking the right questions?

BRING US YOUR TIRED (or maybe not, they need a better attitude)
If Jan’s actions weren’t bad enough rumor has it that the Superintendent held a meeting soon there after to discuss the poor attitudes of the teachers at Rose Union. Isn’t that just a kick in the pants? 

We are not saying the teachers have poor attitudes but if anybody was entitled to have a poor attitude it would be the teachers at Rose Union. You can only be treated as a red-headed stepchild for so long. Instead of chastising the teachers, the Superintendent should be kissing the ground that they walk on for not leaving after being treated so badly. Hopefully the voters will show their support of the teachers by Voting for David Miller on Election Day.

BRING US YOUR HUDDLED MASSES (big brother is watching you)
Now on to the second issue. Apparently, according to a rumors we heard, the school district saw the need to sweep the computers of certain teachers to see what they had been sending in e-mails. One rumor states the district was checking to see if any teacher sent an e-mail in support of certain candidates and another says they were checking to see if any teacher had sent e-mail to the DCSpost. 

It strikes us as odd that the school district would do this when they never checked the Middle School Computers to see that students were playing games that included violence and profane language. Let's rephrase that. They did check after it was brought to 3 people's attention and then over 3 months to do something about it. And oh by the way, there is a new batch of games on the computers.

Okay we digress. But we are sure that the contents of teachers' e-mails are more detrimental to the students than video games. We also wonder if the district employee who wore a Shelley Denton button to school on Election Day was reprimanded.

One last parting comment, the school board should ask the technology department if they found the e-mail Principal Straughn sent out about un-enrolling students while searching the computers. They might want to start by checking the Superintendent’s inbox since the rumor has it the e-mail was forwarded to her. 

We will also save the district some time and money by letting them know we did not receive any of this information from any teacher or school employee. But then again they will know that once they check the teachers’ e-mails again.